A Monday Panzerism

Watch and learn.*

Panzer on self-confidence:

The universe belongs to whoever is willing to reach out and grab it with his claws.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on recorded history:

I really need a kitty-sized collar camera.

Then ...

I could capture wonderful leaps, acts of amazing balance,

It's magic.*

and ...

sudden feats of startling magic,

when ...

hairballs appear without warning.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on unintended consequences:

It's a thin line between cute and chaos.

Cute is ...

when the kitty swats at the reflection of a fly in the mirror.

Chaos is ...

when the kitty chases the fly...

It's the fly's fault.He made me do it.*

and ...

dives head first into the mirror...

and ...

the whole thing comes crashing down.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on human indecisiveness:

Mom is always saying to be a good kitty.

 

I wish she'd make up her mind.

Which do you want?

Which is it:

Good ...

or ...

Kitty?

From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on learning new skills:

I heard What's His Name telling Mom he's going to teach me how to clean my own litter box.

Well ...

I've got some breaking news for him ...

It's simple. I just don't want to.*

We cats already know how to clean our litter boxes.

But ...

Why should we ...

When we've taught our humans to do it for us?

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on exercise equipment:

What's His Name bought one of those treadmill thingies.

 

But ...

Mom had to teach him how to use it.

 

I was really surprised ...

 

It wasn't that hard.

 

Only took her about a week ..

 

He's easy for Mom to train.

And ...

 

Now ...

 

He's hanging his shirts and jacket on there all by himself.

 

A New Panzerism

 Panzer with a riddle:

Don't know why she keeps them around.

Q: What  do a snorkle and What's His Name have in common?

A: Both are totally useless to a cat.

(Treadmills are in the same category.)

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on your vintage years:

I'm ready.*

 

Mom told me old cats sleep 20 percent more than kittens.

Getting old sounds pretty good to me.

 

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on human narcissism:

I have joined Mom and What's His Name at backyard barbecues for the Fourth of July with neighbors, for coffee and tea on the deck for New Year's morning, and holiday season dinners with their families.

You can't change what is.

One thing stands out to me at all these gatherings:

Mom is always the second most attractive creature there.

Too bad she has such an attractive cat over-shadowing her.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

Happy New Year's Eve

 Panzer on New Year's Eve and Kitty Zen:

This is an amazing point in time.

We are at that precise intersection of history and the future.

And ...

We can embrace it and create a wonderful tomorrow.

Sequential kitty napzzzz.*

Or ...

 Some I suppose may want to sit back and watch.

Or ...

A few may be disposed toward sleeping through it all until next year.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on scratching posts:

Mom is always yelling at me to use the scratching post.

Now everybody knows the truth.*

I don't tell her where to wipe her feet.

Now, you tell me who has better manners ...

Cats or human?

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

I'm ready.*

Panzer on your vintage years:

Mom told me old cats sleep 20 percent more than kittens.

Getting old sounds pretty good to me.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

Panzer on showing love:

I gave Mom a dead mouse today.

I left it on her pillow so she'd see it when she woke up.

Then ...

She let What's His Name have it.

That really hurts. *

and ...

he threw it in the garbage can outside.

Humans just don't know the value of love gifts.




* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

Panzer on the division of intelligence:

After watching What's His Name for a while ...

I have decided ...

You understand my logic, right?.

that ...

brains are often wasted on stupid people.

Cats, of course, don't have to worry about that.

There's no such thing as a stupid cat.

Gary Larson and The Far Side

Today, Panzer decided to hunt around in the Catosphere to find something that wasn't as serious as the coronapocalypse.*  Something with a little humor. Something that might bring a little smile.

After several false starts and dead ends, our brave kitty adventurer found cartoonist Gary Larson's website. Gary Larson was known in the 1980s and 90s for his syndicated cartoon strip The Far Side. He retired the strip in the 1990s. Now, he's back with The Far Side online. There are new cartoons, old cartoon favorites and a store. Mom showed me some cartoons in a book he wrote about The Far Side.

I'm sick of this virus. How about you?

Panzer says, "The site is a little hard to find your way around at first, but the cartoons are worth the effort."

To visit Gary Larson's site tootle over to The Far Side



*Try to say that word fast three times.

A New Panzerism

Panzer on card games:

Everyone knows that dogs play poker ...

Because you've seen those paintings.

Well, cats play poker too ...

Only better.

You see ...

Dogs can't hide their emotions ...

Not even for a good poker hand.

You know ...

Panting and tails flapping like a broken windmill.

And you need a new deck of cards every few minutes from all that dog slobber.

Now cats ...

Do I look excited?

We invented the stone face.

Tell the truth ...

Have you ever seen a cat excited about anything?

A New Panzerism

Panzer on thoughts of Autumn:

Mom's asters are blooming.

She said they bring another Summer to a beautiful conclusion.

Hey ...

Wait a minute ...

That means Autumn is coming.

Cold weather. Rain. Sleet. Snow.

COLD!

She better appreciate my work.

I have to get outside now!

I have to rip out those asters.

NOW!

It's up to ME to stop Autumn from coming!



*From Cat Wisdom for hiumans

A New Panzerism

Panzer on the joys of Spring:

It's that great time of year again ...

Spring!

That time when tantalizing wisps of Summer coming are in the air.

I can feel my muscles ripple beneath the undulating waves of my beautiful sun-ripened fur.

I am strong ...

I am brave ...

I am a hunter ...

Oh no!

 Spring is a waste of time.

I forgot ...

Scotch Broom is blooming ...

And ...

I have hay fever!

A New Panzerism

Panzer on the fallacy of old sayings:

Ever heard that old saying, "Curiosity killed the cat?"

It's all about presentation.

No!

Cats reject the silly notion.

We subscribe to, "Curiosity led the cat to enlightenment."

A New Panzerism

Panzer on retribution:

There I was snoozing on the warm keyboard when What's His Name told me to, "Get Down."

Push the cat? I don't think so.

He pushed me off the desk!

I was shocked, shocked I tell you!

I wonder if he'll be shocked, when he finds what I put in his running shoes. *


* From Cat Wisdom for humans