A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat knowledge:

Cats are good at everything ...

Except ...

Thumb-wrestling.

You are so lucky.

However ...

If we did have thumbs ...

You humans would be ...

Dinner.

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat personalities:

If reading the above subject line didn't give you a clue, ...

 

read it again.

Still didn't get it?

Cats don't have personalities.

 

But ...

Saying we have catalities is too awkward.

Still don't get it?

 

So ...

Let's just say ...

The noble feline is known for its incredibly cute sequences of adorable behaviorisms.

A Panzerism

Yuk!

Panzer on color coding:

Note to self: Remember, white paint does not taste like milk.

A Panzerism

 

Yuk! *

Panzer on color coding:

Note to self: 

 

Remember ...

 

White paint does not taste like milk.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on multitasking:

I just can't get the hang of it.

I've tried it more than once.

And it's really, really hard.

I've tried to eat and sleep at the same time.

 

Eyes closed.

 

At least the bowl is full.*

Nose first into the full bowl of food.

 

Wake up.

Just can't get it right.

But I'll keep trying.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

Panzer on inertia:

 

What's His Name is really mean.

 

He woke me up a little while ago to call me lazy.

 

They're getting heavy again.*

He doesn't realize this, but a cat's eyelids are really very heavy.

 

I've got to close them a lot ...

 

for a long time ...

 

or risk serious injury.

 

 

 

 

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on human narcissism:

I have joined Mom and What's His Name at backyard barbecues for the Fourth of July with neighbors, for coffee and tea on the deck for New Year's morning, and holiday season dinners with their families.

You can't change what is.*

One thing stands out to me at these gatherings:

Mom is always the second most attractive creature there.

Too bad she has such an attractive cat over-shadowing her.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on cleanliness:

Mom's toothbrush floats very well.

Five flushes ...

Round and round it goes.

and it still didn't go down in the whirlpool.

I don't know why she's so upset.

I washed it ...

and put it back where I found it.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on a canine's true value:

You expected something different?

Let sleeping dogs lie ...

After all, they're dogs ...

That's all they're good for.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on the purpose of naps:

Why worry? It's already over.

I never worry about the future.

Never.

By the time I wake up from my nap the future has already come and gone.

From: Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat philosophy:

The truth is obvious ...

Once it is known.

Mom says I should act with good intentions.

Well ...

That's it for my good intentions.

I'll tell you this ...

The road to the veterinarian's is paved with Mom's good intentions.

And that's the truth.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on kitty emotions:

As a cat ...

 

I don't usually say anything about love.

But ...

 

Mom, do you know how much I love you?

It's just a coincidence. Really.

A lot.

And ...

 

The fact I just saw you putting kitty treats in the pantry ...

Doesn't have anything to do with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on the meaning of life:

Mom said something to me a few minutes ago and I wanted to give her a snappy cat response.

Nothing.

I could not think of anything to say that was quick and edifying.

Nothing.

I drew a complete blank.

And now I'm examining my complete existence.

If I'm not a smart-mouthed kitty, what am I?

I can't go on like this ...

Nap. Food. Then watch out Mom.

Okay ...

Okay ...

I know what will fix me ...

Nap time.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

 

 

A New Panzerism

 

I'm ready. *

 

Panzer on your vintage years:

Mom told me old cats sleep 20 percent more than kittens.

Getting old sounds pretty good to me.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat real estate decorum:

When I climb to the top of the refrigerator, it might look like I'm sleeping.

 

Not true.

 

Not true at all.

 

The true story is that I, Mighty King Kitty, am surveying the realm of all that is mine.

 

And ...

 

that includes you, human.

 

So ...

 

Have my dinner ready ...

It's warm up there too.*

when...

 

I wake up.

 

Wait ...

 

I mean when I jump down from my throne.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat spirituality:

Very groggy. Must take a short prayer.

Naps are like little prayers.

They're both sort of like out-of-body moments.

This proves that cats are very spiritual beings.

Panzer on humans' belief of their infallability:

 Mom and What's His Name were watching a TV show about a dog tracking down a bad guy.

On the TV they showed the dog a shirt ...

And ...

He went off after the guy.

Mom told What's His Name dogs smell real good.

Phssst.

Mom says women are never wrong.

 

Well ...

 

Do I have to explain it to you?

I disagree.

 

She's wrong this time.

 

Dogs really stink!

That makes her wrong twice.

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on making unplanned decisions:

Mom said the weather is getting colder. 

 

She said tonight is going to be a two cat night.

 

Now, if he's covered in catnip ...

Yeah right. Two cats in her bed?

 

Over my dead body.

Wait! Wait!

I mean over the other cat's dead body.

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on book reviews:

I read a book review today that said

 

Puppy-love? Who would read that?

the storyline was about ...

 

puppy-love.

 

Dumbest plot I've ever heard of.

 

 

 

 

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on thoughts of Autumn:

Mom's asters are blooming. She said they bring another Summer to a beautiful conclusion.

Hey ...

Wait a minute ...

That means Autumn is coming.

Cold weather. Rain. Sleet. Snow.

COLD!

She better appreciate my work.*

I have to get outside!

I have to rip out all those asters.

NOW!

It's up to ME to stop Autumn from coming!

* Cat Wisdom for humans