A Panzerism

 Panzer on recorded history:

I really need a kitty-sized collar camera.

Then ...

I could capture wonderful leaps, acts of amazing balance,

It's magic.*

and ...

sudden feats of startling magic,

when ...

hairballs appear without warning.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on the Kitty Toy Hall of Fame:

Save your money. Read the list.*

1. Wadded up ball of paper

2. Paper bag (Tied for 2nd place)

2. Cardboard box (Tied for 2nd place)

3. Shadows on the wall

4. Grape

5. Fly 

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on the basic cat tenet:

None. Got it? *

Cats do not behave badly ...

because ...

there are no rules for cats.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on moral concepts:

Mom said, "Bad kitty," when I scratched the couch.

You know ...

What's His Name always says she's pretty smart ...

And ...

she always knows what's right.

So I thought about what Mom said for a long time in between my morning nap and my noon nap.

And ...

This is what I decided:

Sorry ... You're wrong again Mom.

There are two ways to look at it ...

My way ...

And ...

The wrong way.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on jokes:

Panzer: Knock. Knock.

Mom: Hmmm?

Panzer: Knock. Knock.

Mom: Hmmm? What?

Panzer: I say, Knock. Knock. and You say, Who's There?

Mom: Okay. Knock. Knock.

There's a first time for everything. *

Panzer: Who's there?

Mom: It's me, Mom.You've known me your whole life, Panzer.

Panzer: What? Wait! I mean, what? Hey! What happened?

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat knowledge:

Cats are good at everything ...

Except ...

Thumb-wrestling.

You are so lucky.

However ...

If we did have thumbs ...

You humans would be ...

Dinner.

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat personalities:

If reading the above subject line didn't give you a clue, ...

 

read it again.

Still didn't get it?

Cats don't have personalities.

 

But ...

Saying we have catalities is too awkward.

Still don't get it?

 

So ...

Let's just say ...

The noble feline is known for its incredibly cute sequences of adorable behaviorisms.

A Panzerism

Yuk!

Panzer on color coding:

Note to self: Remember, white paint does not taste like milk.

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat wisdom:

Always be sure to have a second cat in your household.

That way ...

You can always ...

Blame ...

the hairball on someone else.

Note to self:

Never take credit for a hairball.

Even the really good ones.

Just speaking from experience.

A Panzerism

 

Yuk! *

Panzer on color coding:

Note to self: 

 

Remember ...

 

White paint does not taste like milk.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on multitasking:

I just can't get the hang of it.

I've tried it more than once.

And it's really, really hard.

I've tried to eat and sleep at the same time.

 

Eyes closed.

 

At least the bowl is full.*

Nose first into the full bowl of food.

 

Wake up.

Just can't get it right.

But I'll keep trying.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat sports:

Mom said there's something called the Olympics starting next month. 

She said it's where a bunch of humans get together.

They do sports they enjoy to see who is the best at them.

So a bunch of my cat friends and I got together

 

and ...

 

decided to have a Cat Olympics.

We voted on our favorite sports

 

and ... 

 

Here are the Cat Olympics Events:

1) Litter Toss Distance Competition

All sports we're good at.

2) Hairball Hurling Competition

3) 2 Meter Curtain Climb Competition

4) Hide the car keys Competition

5) Timed Long Nap Competition

 

 

A Panzerism

Panzer on inertia:

 

What's His Name is really mean.

 

He woke me up a little while ago to call me lazy.

 

They're getting heavy again.*

He doesn't realize this, but a cat's eyelids are really very heavy.

 

I've got to close them a lot ...

 

for a long time ...

 

or risk serious injury.

 

 

 

 

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on unintended consequences:

It's a thin line between cute and chaos.

Cute is ...

when the kitty swats at the reflection of a fly in the mirror.

Chaos is ...

when the kitty chases the fly...

It's the fly's fault.He made me do it.*

and ...

dives head first into the mirror...

and ...

the whole thing comes crashing down.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on human narcissism:

I have joined Mom and What's His Name at backyard barbecues for the Fourth of July with neighbors, for coffee and tea on the deck for New Year's morning, and holiday season dinners with their families.

You can't change what is.*

One thing stands out to me at these gatherings:

Mom is always the second most attractive creature there.

Too bad she has such an attractive cat over-shadowing her.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

Traditional After Christmas Panzerism

 

The dent? The big guy with the reindeer.*

Panzer on the Christmas holiday:

Do I think those look like my paw prints on the hood of the car?

 

Noooo ...

From here I'd say they're reindeer prints.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on cleanliness:

Mom's toothbrush floats very well.

Five flushes ...

Round and round it goes.

and it still didn't go down in the whirlpool.

I don't know why she's so upset.

I washed it ...

and put it back where I found it.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 

Missed it again. *

Panzer on the virtue of cat naps:

 

Don't you just hate it when you're late for a nap because you overslept?

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on a canine's true value:

You expected something different?

Let sleeping dogs lie ...

After all, they're dogs ...

That's all they're good for.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on the purpose of naps:

Why worry? It's already over.

I never worry about the future.

Never.

By the time I wake up from my nap the future has already come and gone.

From: Cat Wisdom for humans