A Panzerism

Panzer on sobriety:

 

The thing about catnip is, 

If there's enough, I can start right now.

well ...

 

Mom thinks I should go on the wagon for a little while.

 

Okay ...

 

Exactly how much catnip is in the wagon anyway?

 

 

 

 

*From Cat Wisdom for humans 

Valentine's Day

 

 

Panzer, Mom and What's His Name

 

A Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on cats mathematical ability:

 

Humans decided a long time ago that cats have limited intellectual potential.

They believe it because we can't count beyond one.

But ...

I can count to one a lot of times.

Guard the computers ... I am Binary Cat.*

And ...

 It's a miracle!

Humans have a name for this condition ...

It's called Binary.

Turns out cats have excellent math skills.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on true love:

Love conquers all ... including curtains.*

The only thing between me and true love is your window curtains.

And ...

No ...

I don't know why they are on the floor.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on plausible deniability:

Here's an exercise for my cat friends to try.

You know that key fob Mom has for her new car?

Well, if you pounce on it just right, the car's horn goes off in the driveway.

Me? I was asleep.*

Pounce again and the same thing happens.

For the best results, it needs to be done at 3 a.m.

Just be sure to be curled up in a ball on the chair far away from the key fob, when Mom comes running downstairs at the noise. 

 

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

You Free Sunday Jigsaw Puzzle: No doubt about it. It's time to change the cat litter.

Hint

Here's your Sunday jigsaw puzzle.

As always, remember at the puzzle site to click the square in the lower left corner to see the finished puzzle.

Have fun!

To do the puzzle tootle over to No doubt about it.

Your Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on the use of the proper word:

I was looking at the Kitten Book Mom made when I was born.

It said: Name, Breed, Age, and Microchip number.

All filled out correctly.

Then ...

It said: Owner ... And had Mom's name.

Owner? Owner!

Owner? Ha! Not of this cat.*

I was shocked! What an outrage!

You all know Nobody owns a cat, right?

I might be willing to accept Mom is my Feeder.

Sounds regal and appropriate, doesn't it.

That would be okay ...

But Owner? No!

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on practical philosophy:

Question: Why would anyone spend the amount of time on Cats and Crime that Mom does?

Hey. I know who feeds me.

Answer: Same reason cats jump into boxes teetering on the edge of calamity.

It keeps you mentally and physically alert.

And in Mom's case beautiful.

A Monday Panzerism

Missed it again.*

 

Panzer on the virtue of cat naps:

Don't you just hate it when you're late for a nap because you overslept?

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Monday Panzerism

Why worry? It's already over.

Panzer on the purpose of naps:

I never worry about the future.

Never.

By the time I wake up from my nap the future has already come and gone.

:*From Cat Wisdom for humans

Your Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on fun outdoor activities:

Today, I was trying to play with one of the Koi fish in the pond.

When What's His Name saw what I was doing, he came running and yelling and waving his arms at me.

Those rocks at the edge of the pond sure are slippery.

And ...

One of those slippery rocks just reached right up and tripped What's His Name.

He sort of ...

Well ...

Kind of ...

He was flapping his arms like he could fly.*

You know ...

 

Fell into the water.

 

But not all the way ...

 

Just up to his ears. 

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on butterflies:

Mom likes butterflies and so do I.

She likes their bright colors and so do I.

Yuk!*

She likes the way they flutter around and so do I.

But ...

It sure seems something that pretty should taste better.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

New Year's Eve, Midnight, New Year's Day

 Panzer on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day and Kitty Zen:

This is an amazing point in time.

We are at that precise intersection of history and the future.

And ...

We can embrace it and create a wonderful tomorrow.

Sequential kitty napzzzz,*

Or ...

Some I suppose might want to sit back and watch.

Or ...

A few may be disposed toward sleeping through it all until next year.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

Happy New Year's Eve

 Panzer on celebrating New Year's Eve:

Same thing every year.

Skip my late, late nap.

Munch some catnip,

But getting there is fun.*

pass out,

and ...

spend the rest of the night snorting carpet dust.

Bletch!

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Day After Christmas Panzerism

 Panzer on the Christmas holiday:

The dent? The big guy with the reindeer.*

Do I think those look like my paw prints on the hood of the care?

Noooo ...

From here I'd say they're reindeer prints.

*From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Monday Panzerism

Didn't see it coming did you?

Panzer on training your cat to fall asleep in two easy steps:

1.) Wake Him Up.

2.) If step one fails, you've achieved your goal.

A Monday Panzerism

 Panzer on tools:

Mom, what do you mean cats can't use tools?

Not true.

I think of you as my P.T.U.

That's Personal Transportation Unit.

A little back scratch would be nice too.

Now ...

Pick me up and carry me to the window ...

 

while you're petting my head ...

 

you silly tool.

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on cat behavior:

Get it?

Humans wonder why cats run around with their tails straight up in the air and bushed out.

Well ...

You got a better way of checking catmospheric conditions?

From Cat Wisdom for humans

A Panzerism

 Panzer on the human misconception of their own importance:

Mom told me that if parents compliment their children it boosts their confidence.

She said that's a good thing and why she compliments everyone.

But ...

She needs to learn you don't ever compliment a cat.

N-o-o-o ... a real bad idea.

Cats will always take such sentiments and turn them into moments of disbelief ...

and ...

then hilarity.

Good Kitty? You're kidding right?*

How dare a mere human ...

an inferior species to cats ...

pass judgement on us ...

with statements like "Good Kitty" and "What a smart boy"?

* From Cat Wisdom for humans

A New Panzerism

 Panzer on cat personalities:

If reading the above didn't give you a serious pause, read it again.

Yes ...

It's an oxymoron.

Still don't get it?

Cats don't have personalities ...

But ...

Saying cats have catalities is really awkward.

Still don't get it? Personalities..

So ...

Let's just say ...

The noble feline is known for it's incredibly cute sequences of adorable behaviorisms.